Beware of Toastmasters

(The full text of my BSP 4, which was also my entry speech during the Area Humorous Speech Contest where I landed second place.)

13892189_10208730090826240_4428129538690033119_nStanding before you is a man who has no idea how he got himself in this predicament

Fellow Toastmasters and guests, good evening.

I was walking one day, on my way to a nearby store when a light gray Avanza suddenly stopped beside me.

Two people got off. The first one was a man who looked like my friend from elementary, and the second was a lady dressed in military uniform.

The two forcibly took me by the arms and threw me inside the vehicle… the next thing I knew, I was delivering my Icebreaker speech.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, my journey towards Toastmasters felt more like an alien abduction. A mixture of force and deception.

To all of you here who are not yet abducted, hear my warning.

Be careful. Always be alert. Especially when your friend suddenly invites you for coffee… it might not be networking. It might be Toastmasters!

Because once you are caught and you are inside, you might enjoy yourself and you will not want to get out… that is when the danger begins.

First, they will befriend you. They will make you feel comfortable. They will offer to help you develop your skills in public speaking. They will mentor you… then the pushing will start.

They will make you do things you have never done before in your entire life!

They will make you stand in front… in front of many people. They don’t care how nervous you get when you stand in front of people. They don’t care if you are just about to die of nervousness. They will say they will help you remove that stage fright, and you will have to trust them because they are supposed to be your friends.

Then it gets worse! They will make you deliver a speech on a quotation you do not even understand!

Toastmaster Roy, “Roses have thorns. Pick the daisies.”

G-g-good evening fellow toastmasters. Roses are reds, daisies are yellow. Because of table topics, I peed on my pants

Then they will evaluate you. Don’t worry, they will not be harsh, not yet at least. They want you to come back next meeting.

Toastmaster Roy, although I sensed nervousness in you, you were able to deliver a speech on a quotation you do not understand. You even relate the quotation to your own experience of peeing on your pants, in real time. Have you heard of adult diapers? Anyway, may I suggest some points? For you to deliver a better speech in the future…

See?! They want you to improve! They want you to continue even if you wet your pants! They do not want you to leave! You are trapped!

At this point, you have every reason to believe you might have gotten yourself involved in a cult.

Now, be alert when you are delivering your speech. Observe the reactions of your audience.

Be warned when they laugh at your jokes… when they laugh at all your jokes… when they are rolling on the floor laughing at your jokes… even if your jokes are not really funny.

That is a sign they are gearing you up for the humorous speech contest!

And when you realize what they are doing, it’s too late! You are already caught in their web!

Do you now see the danger of Toastmasters?

So, if you don’t want to go out of your comfort zone, stay away from Toastmasters, because they will definitely push you out of it… and they will push you very hard! After being friends you, of course.

And they won’t stop pushing until you silence that voice inside that tells you, you cannot do it! They won’t stop until they turn you into an excellent speaker… and they won’t stop until you become a table topics master and get back at them!

And before you know it, they are already sending you to speech competitions… because you have proven yourself worthy.

(Here is the video of my original speech when I delivered it during our club meeting on August 2, 2016)

(This is the video of my speech during actual competition on August 13, 2016. I added some lines, unfortunately, I forgot some lines from the original speech)

And for all my troubles, this is what I got… Second Place

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